\nMy thoughts turn to fevered mush and I leave it all.<\/em><\/p>\n
I return again to get excited about one thing after another but I know this fever….I have had it often…I need to douse it with neglect to let the right course of\u00a0thought and action bob up.<\/p>\n
After a fester, on Wednesday there is a mental breakthrough.<\/p>\n
A few weeks ago I committed to a Paula Silbert workshop. I was hesitant and I believe that this hesitancy comes from my sometimes headstrong belief<\/em> in wanting to do things my way.<\/em> I place great value in working ‘my’ way, of not following in someone else’s path but sometimes it does result in blinkers.<\/p>\n Of late I have acknowledged a tremendous difficulty in letting go of things…some things… Spending two hours with Paula Silbert <\/a>and seven other artists in her session FOUR DROP DEAD ABSOLUTE ESSENTIALS FOR ARTISTS was a game changer for me. I had prepared. The other participants varied widely in style and medium but all seemed to be very confident in where there art practice was at and they just needed the key to taking it one step further to gain more<\/em> exposure.<\/p>\n Me….I felt fraud-like, just trying to get on the art horse, not pushing quite yet to exhibit or sell, merely lurking in the shadows. Paula is a very good communicator. She has all of her fingers on the pulse and she offered loads of little smart ideas and big challenging ideas<\/em> that had me nodding. To compound the brain fever I was experiencing I then had to head off to an Artsource event that evening. Four artists that have been rewarded with a Basel residency for six months each – the Mecca for a lot of local artists – were presenting. Residencies are something that I aspire to – perhaps\/eventually? So it wasn’t until late on Wednesday night that I could quickly record some thoughts about the day with Paula. Ultimately, the timing of this workshop proved perfect for me. I feel that this day, as part of the whole week, added up to an obvious and clear mental breakthough.<\/p>\n Then it was Easter…<\/em> Off to our little house with excitement<\/em> on Saturday. There was an Antique and Collectors fair in the Community Hall. This too was a new event and it was where we headed first to empty our wallets. Then on to the school where we joined a very<\/em> long snaking line to enter – unheard of! The rest of Easter for me was spent with Esther and Flick exploring the yard and having adventures and being creative in a ‘sandpit’ with newly purchased mini watering cans and shovels.![\"\"](\"http:\/\/janmullen.com.au\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/easter-at-Dwellingup-12.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n
\nYet I place great value in maintaining ‘some things’.
\nIt is some of those things that are holding me back.
\nIt is some of those things that are stopping me in my dream quest of making art THE priority of looking after MY SELF.
\nTime to identify ‘bad’ behaviours yet again and modify them…<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>I was open and ready. A switch was flipped.<\/p>\n
\nI didn’t write down what I wanted<\/em> from the session but I did write down where I am at in my art practice and what my goals are.
\nI went with a clear mind, but my confidence was a little bit squidgy. Am I a fraud, a wannabee, someone who can’t quite commit? A maker of excuses instead of art?<\/p>\n
\nBUT the day changed my attitude and my sometimes faltering self-belief.<\/p>\n
\nI left to race home to babysit but my noggin was exploding.
\nI needed to write, to untangle my thoughts, to look at the dot points I wrote in the very concise booklet that Paula had presented us with.
\nAt the same time I was stuck crawling around and giggling with Bran.
\nPerfect. I had to stop thinking and to let things fester.<\/p>\n
\nFor those given this honour it is a game-changer. Their aims and their work and perspectives of how they used their time was quite fascinating.<\/p>\n
\nYears ago<\/em> I planned to take myself to France for a self-funded 3 to 6 month stint – to re-learn the lingo, to envelope myself in scary solitude and to see what I could become.
\nSomehow, life totally got in the way of this dream. I stayed close to home. I took on community projects like Salvage\/Selvedge and in doing so missed my window of opportunity when my babies started to have babies.<\/em>
\nStill…I am totally okay with that.
\nPerhaps I simply wasn’t ready for it?
\nOr the dream was too big and perhaps I need to start smaller?
\nAnyway, it was shelved and forgotten. If I am meant to get back to this plan I will, otherwise the idea of focused working will morph sideways. C’est la vie.<\/p>\n
\nThe long weekend offered the usual Mullen Good Friday BBQ where some of us giggle with the seven little ones and others laugh and sip with the adults.
\nI drive, so my role is to giggle.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
\nEaster means the Dwellingup Primary School Pumpkin Festival – a lovely busy event – but this year the town was feverish<\/em> with activity.
\nThere were helicopter rides on the oval that went all day…I should have gone up above the trees… I have regrets….hopefully<\/a> next year?<\/p>\n
\nI nabbed embroideries as usual and a book on WA wildflowers – whilst the bloke, who has only recently worked out what to do at these events, was looking for old tools and records.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
\nThe amount of people in the town was simply incredible but the school had enough stalls and food and music and interesting things to do that I reckon the only complaint would have been that there was too much to do!
\nA wonderful day, a happy event. Very well done.
\nWe didn’t wait for the weigh in, or the new<\/em> pumpkin smashing event, but we certainly had our fill.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n
\nThe Easter egg hunt was fun but the bunny lost count of all the hiding places….
\nThe girls had rides in the wheelbarrow and the old shopping trolley.
\nDirt and food and giggles and cuddles and BIG sleeps.<\/p>\n